I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
