The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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