K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
