We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
