Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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