i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
