So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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