So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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