You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
