Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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