I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
