I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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