Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
