ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
