One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
