this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish there were birth control emojis
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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