She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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