How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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