I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
