I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
