PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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