dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fill condoms, not promises.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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