I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
