this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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