Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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