i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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