i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize