Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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