Me too!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
