No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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