Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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