I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
