that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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