Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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