It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
