well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
