I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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