why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
