I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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