I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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