Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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