My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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