Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
