quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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