I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
