Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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