So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
