Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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