problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
