I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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