we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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