there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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