You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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