I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
