We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
