dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
