id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
