last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
