wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
