The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will pee on everything he values.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
