Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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