a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize