I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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