As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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