first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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