There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
