By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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