Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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