I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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