you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
