I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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